[god creating seahorses]
angel: any more ideas for animals?
god: ok, what if tiny saxophones could swim
Six inches of snow predicted tonight:
Is that twitter 6″ | |
Subway 6″ | |
Real life 6″ | |
Or Dan 6″ | | Cheesecake
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You two, right there. You don’t know it yet, but you’ll be coming home with me.
*points at hotel towels*
INMATE: I killed a guy.
SCOOBY DOO VILLAIN: I got caught trying to haunt an old warehouse by a bunch of teenagers and a talking dog.
Friend: What’s your costume?
Me: I’m dressed as “A total disappointment”
Friend: But you always wear that
i thought about this and shot snot
Him: you always need to have the last word!
Me: I do not!
Him: prove it
Me: *crosses arms, glares silently*
Me: *whispers* I win
“Hola! I’m Señor Coconut, children”
[cracks head on the pavement. Children scream]
“Drink me. Drink me. I’m full of vitamins and minerals”
“Love me do” is my favourite Beatles song written by Yoda.
SCIENTIST: it’s both man and machine
ME: what’s it called?
S: I call it a cyborg
M: I would have went with manchine
S: *crushes test tube*