Bruce Willis on a jetski, being pursued by a pug on a smaller jetski
Skeletor: Nice ride
Skeletor: Prince Adam has a pet tiger too
He-Man: Yeah? Complete different guy though
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“Kids, part of my comprehensive zombie apocalypse plan are these Tshirts to keep up with each other”
“Daddy, why do ours say appetizer?”
If Child A has 2 scoops of ice cream in his bowl, and child B has 1 3/4 scoops, how many days will Mom have to hear about it?
I made my 4-year-old sit at the table till she finished her lunch
It took her 3 hours
She was so excited to be done
Then I served dinner.
Bought some of that edible cookie dough.
Gotta say it’s just not as good without the hint of a salmonella threat.
Trying to convince my wife I said “adieu,” instead of “I do,” at our wedding, but she’s not buying it.
Sorry but if these walls could talk I’m pretty sure they’d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you’re blowing out of proportion.
All i’m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
BANK: Someone made fraudulent charges with your debit card
ME: Wait… how do you know it wasn’t me
BANK: They entered the PIN correctly on the first try
ME: Dear god