I saw a woman with the same haircut as me the other day and I wanted to be like “Same haircut!” but I didn’t because no matter what kind of day she’s having she doesn’t need that right now.
[sketchy parking lot]
stranger: hey man, can you jump my car?
me: maybe if i get a running start
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[eating a foot long sub]
*spits out tiny periscope*
judge: what do you have to say for yourself
scooby-doo villain: i was legally startling trespassers on my own private property and was wrongfully arrested and imprisoned by a group of high teenagers
judge: oh damn
Guard: alright tough guy one last meal
Me: a cyanide pill
Guard: what? no we want to kill you!
Me: too bad
Guard: aw man
Fear does not exist in this dojo, does it?
Gluten sensitivity does not exist in this dojo,does it? Put your hand down Aiyden
I just plugged the charger into my phone, in the correct hole, on the first try.
So it IS possible, guys.
IT. IS. POSSIBLE.
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.
If you can’t handle me at my worst, you and I have a lot in common.
Me: *climbing down* The best revenge is living in a well.
Friend: That’s not the saying!
Me: *shouting up* You’ll all be sorry!
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.