HR: People are complaining that you find ways to appear superior to them.
[chair elevated to highest position]
Me: That’s just ridiculous.
SUSAN I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF MONEY FOR THIS WRITING BUT THIS IS HOW I WANTED TO PROPOSE; WILL YOU MAR
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yall pray for me, nothing’s wrong im just in college
love when parents announce the inch length of their newborn like it’s a largemouth bass
Her: Let’s just drop it.
Her: I just find it funny how…
Me: *opens car door and shoulder rolls out into traffic*
At my funeral I want a dozen white doves released. Then shot down. Then buried with me. It’ll be confusing af. Can’t wait.
Him: “Are you single?”
Me: *flashes back to that time Wil Wheaton RTd me and left me at the top of his TL all night*
Drugs are bad…when they wear off.
Not saying obamacare is perfect but the data doesn’t lie. With Obamacare there’ve been zero Hitlers. Before obamacare there was at least one
Me: *breathes* *gains weight*