@pakalupapito: sleeping is nice because ur not actually dead and ur not awake so its a win-win situation
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@PimpBillClinton: To all the chicks on Twitter who complain about never getting laid, turn your location on.
@hpb777: My husband's doing that cute thing again where he thinks he's right. *throws his shit out on the lawn* *makes a bonfire*
@longwall26: Oh, you want to fight? Ok, one second *takes off glasses, removes retainer, unpins towel cape, empties snacks from pockets, sets down kitten