@BritXNic: *Slowly breaks up with you, word by word, during a game of Scrabble.
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@TFLN: (513): They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
@huntigula: Praying Mantis wife: Are u cheating on me? Praying Mantis husband [his missing head replaced by a marble]: What on earth gave u that idea?
@drinksmcgee: "Cover your mouth when you cough or I'll kill you and your entire family" - The new motivational poster I've hung in my office at work