Me: Don’t spit at your sister!
4: I’m a bunny.
Me: Bunnies don’t spit.
4: I’m an acid-spitting bunny.
*Slowly breaks up with you, word by word, during a game of Scrabble.
You Might Also Like
can’t = can not
don’t = do not
won’t = wo not
do not @ me i wo not answer
my 3 year old kept saying she “wants a spirit guest & needs a spirit guest” and “has a spirit guest” and like 4 exorcisms later, i realized she was just talking about asparagus.
Our dishwasher works exceedingly well, as long as you only put clean dishes in it.
.. do you even science?
If intelligence runs in your family, I can only guess it tripped and fell before it got to you.
“I sure hope that was a cracker”
-Me eating in the dark.
Raccoon: So lemme get this straight: I’m adorable?
God: *chuckles* Yes
Raccoon: Would make a great pet?
God: Oh my yes
Raccoon: Wow, I must be man’s best friend!
God: *shakes head* They call you a trash panda
Marry the person who looks at you the way a Labrador looks at a tennis ball…obsessed, slightly crazed and probably drooling a little.
the other day a bartender told me his high school did a performance of RENT where they couldn’t say AIDS so all the characters had diabetes