Why on earth would I start making good decisions now?
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ROBIN: the batmobile won’t start
BATMAN: check the battery
ROBIN: what’s a tery
My husband said I talk too much, so we had a nice long chat about that!
Back in my day we had another word for selfie sticks, we called them friends.
When someone says, “Good luck with that” they actually mean “Let me grab some popcorn so I can watch you fail.”
If Sean Spicer announces his own resignation, is it true?
british cooking shows: tell us about this wee tart youve made, the crust is just lovely
american cooking shows: we’ve replaced your knives with philips head screwdrivers & released raccoons in the kitchen. the clock is set for 30 seconds, please bake us peace in the middle east
“Eat her already!” – Animal watching people kissing
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
Wonder how Ikea came to the decision to include this disclaimer.