Eating a solid brick of Ramen is probably the easiest way to remember I need to pay the water bill.
[Snake Owners Club]
Thanks for coming. A reminder, stuffing an animal into a sock does NOT make it a snake.
[Me & like 3 other guys leave]
You Might Also Like
[home schooling, day 1]
Me: I know this is hard.
Me: I know it’s frustrating.
Me: But we’ll get through it.
Me: Now explain this math to me just once more, I’m very close to understanding it.
High School Reunions are bullshit. Why would I pay money to see people I’ve been deliberately avoiding for the past 20 years
I was shocked as an adult to learn that the crisscross pattern made with a fork on a peanut butter cookie was not a family secret.
I hope this Shakespeare guy is enjoying his fifteen minutes of fame.
*slowly cracks open a beer while the cop explains why he pulled me over*
Me: Unhand me you scoundrel!
Masseuse: Please stop saying that
Some people hear voices..
Some see invisible people..
Others have no imagination whatsoever.
When I become a ghost, Im going to leave messages in blood, but theyre gonna be overwhelmingly positive, like “You’re Doing A Great Job”
i watched a bunch of spy movies and developed this extremely accurate FBI floorplan