If you are reading this you are probably not blind.
snape: how will we protect the stone
dumbledore: obstacles that only a powerful wizard could beat
snape: so like hypothetically 3 twelve year olds couldnt beat them
dumbledore: i mean i hope not
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What’s with this ‘running with scissors’ bullshit? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?
Spoiler alert: Your ’97 Nissan Sentra doesn’t need one.
Are you surprised at life in general or is that just the way you plucked your eyebrows?
I want my funeral to be invitation only. There are people I don’t want to be around even if I’m dead.
[David Attenborough watching me when I overslept and have 5 minutes to get ready for work]
If you held a gun to my head and forced me to choose Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man or Andrew Garfield’s, I’d probably shit my pants.
Ate a bowl of Captain Crunch Berries this morning. With blatant disregard for the roof of my mouth.
Me: What do you want for dinner?
Me: I’m not buying McDonald’s. What do you want me to make?
Child: A Big Mac.
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?