@leakypod

snape: how will we protect the stone

dumbledore: obstacles that only a powerful wizard could beat

snape: so like hypothetically 3 twelve year olds couldnt beat them

dumbledore:

snape:

dumbledore: i mean i hope not

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@_sleepysmile

What’s with this ‘running with scissors’ bullshit? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?

@Lamalover2

Are you surprised at life in general or is that just the way you plucked your eyebrows?

@notimetobehere

I want my funeral to be invitation only. There are people I don’t want to be around even if I’m dead.

@blade_funner

[David Attenborough watching me when I overslept and have 5 minutes to get ready for work]

Extraordinary.

@velvettusk

If you held a gun to my head and forced me to choose Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man or Andrew Garfield’s, I’d probably shit my pants.

@MrEd_EVH

Ate a bowl of Captain Crunch Berries this morning. With blatant disregard for the roof of my mouth.

-thug life

@RodLacroix

Me: What do you want for dinner?

Child: McDonald’s.

Me: I’m not buying McDonald’s. What do you want me to make?

Child: A Big Mac.

@5exyunchained

How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?