I’m only two people away from having a love triangle.
So apparently you’re supposed to change the lint filter in the dryer more than once a year firemen are hot
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A bank safety deposit box may seem extreme, but you don’t understand how hard it is to hide a box of Girl Scout cookies from my family.
Despite evidence to the contrary, I still maintain typing louder and harder will magically make my incorrect password correct.
I have Facebook like reflexes.
“Don’t you mean cat-like reflexes?”
*throws a book and hits you right in the face*
Oohh, you play bass, as in the guitar. I thought you played bass, like the fish. I would’ve paid to see that.
ME: [slaps table] 50 on red
CROUPIER: Sir that is 50 pictures of Celine Dion
ME: Yes and if I win [grabs him] you owe me 50 more
Apparently my hub is a 92 yr old trapped in a younger body. He just referred to you guys as my Pinstagram friends.