At the polling station. Bodes well for Labour – loads of young people here. Or I might possibly be at the wrong primary school.
So cute how this taxi driver is taking an unnecessarily long route and driving slowly so he gets to spend more time with me.
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Apparently my boss wasn’t too happy with my performance during his trust fall.
I trusted him to fall, he hit the floor, I applauded. Not sure what the problem was, tbh.
Who would have believed that the perfect Wikipedia photo caption could have been improved upon?
In the UK we celebrate Thanksgiving as the day we managed to ship all our paranoid religious fundamentalists off to another continent.
I miss being a sperm.
I wish life was simple again.
Millennials are so spoilt with their smartphones & tablets. All we had at their age was the ability to buy property in Central London.
Right now, somewhere in China, someone is wokking their dog
I’m no psychic, but I can tell you that your kid is never going to finish that half-eaten cup of ice cream you put in the freezer.
Me: Congratulations on becoming a master criminal.
Cousin: I earned a master’s degree in criminology.
Me: So do you get a bigger share of the loot from heists now or what?
daaaaang i look good