@roselia_val

So glad I was weird af in high school cuz now ainโ€™t no one hittin me up to join their pyramid scheme 😌😌

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@MichaelTrying

The moral of โ€œThe Three Little Pigsโ€ is โ€œmake your house with bricks.โ€ Why are we giving four year olds architectural advice?

@wgkcss

I saw on a package of condoms they had a money back guarantee. So how does that work? Do I just mail the baby to them?

@JoParkerBear

Everyone you meet is going through some kind of struggle, and they also have something to teach you, so do NOT make eye contact.

@weinerdog4life

The 2nd amendment gives us the right to bear arms and the 8th amendment gives us the right to horse legs

@norm

Biden: I’m gonna punch him.
Obama: Smile and wave, Joe.

@UncleDuke1969

me: these edibles aren’t doing anything
lamp: just give it a little time

@TheBeerGuy73

My dentist reminded me of my wife’s sensitive gag reflex. We laughed & laughed.

Then I remembered that my wife & I have different dentists.