How do they even grow a boneless chicken?
So I can’t go out drinking with friends, I’m stuck at home, no sex, just watching TV most of the time.
I’m phoning the registrar’s office first thing tuesday to see when I married Covid19.
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Yep, it’s still there.
KID:Dad what’s the difference between a gerbil and a rat
DAD WHO IS A MAFIA BOSS:A gerbil sleeps in a cage and a rat sleeps with the fishes
my 8 year old daughter emails me a lot while I’m at work
My local cinema was broken into last night and goods worth £15,000 stolen: a packet of popcorn and a medium Coke.
Just once, I’d like to see an honest Facebook status, like “happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!”
Prior authorizations be like:
My doctor: You need this medicine.
Dr to pharmacy: She needs this medicine.
Pharmacy to insurance: Her doctor says she needs this medicine.
Insurance: Does she though? Let’s ask her doctor.
[in a getaway car]
robber: what are you wearing i said come in a mask
me (taking cucumber slice off my eye): do you not see this mud?
I think parents should choose unisex names for their babies like Parsnip or Brisket.