One advantage of looking creepy is people tend to avoid conversations with you.
So if Humpty Dumpty is an egg, what species is the thing inside him? Another egg?
“No I mean do you have any questions about the job?”
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“The ship is sinking!”
Me (calmly): bring me noodles, tomatoes, and cheese
“You can save us with that?”
Me (making one last lasagna): what
M: YOU’RE USING MY $150 BLOW-DRYER TO UNFREEZE PIPES?!
H: Your WHAT blow-dryer?!
M: Never mind, carry on.
“Ok, identify the noun in this sentence. Timmy is stupid.”
6yo: *non stop talking*
Me: *tells 6yo to go read*
6yo: *comes out of room every 2 min to tell me about the book*
You deplete me
[talking to family after emergency surgery]
Your positive energy saved my life
Surgeon: *waves hand* umm hello
Whoever coined the term Downward Spiral should have made it sound a lot less fun.
HER: You promised me you were over your Bruce Willis obsession.
ME: Sorry. Old habits die hard with a vengeance.
All I need is to hear those 3 special words
“Want a sandwich?”