@Phoebetate

So I’m still newish around here…

What are the rules about Canadians? Does everybody get one? Do I get to choose? Where do I sign up?

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@hidingfromme

Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2013.”

@loribuckmajor

Posted a photo of my clean house on Facebook and it was flagged as fake news.

@vincevangone

I am “knows everything about Aardvarks because Mom bought an encyclopedia,” years old.

@benharnett

I interviewed 300 high achievers about their morning routine, and you will never believe, they all have inherited family wealth.

@chrissyteigen

I really really really really clearly am not a PC type of gal but I’m a little weirded out at the oriental dressing option on my flight

@cal_gif

Oh to be a woman in the 1800s, diagnosed with hysteria and getting a lobotomy

@ThisOneSayz

American Bulldog: Bark!

German Shepard: Ba<hocks loogie>rk!

Boston Terrier: fahken bahk!

@LlamaInaTux

Girlfriend: *whispering* Have you ever thought of getting rid of that mole?
Me: He may be blind, but he’s not deaf