@sozjalltheway

So, It’s not ok to write “always best to have a spare incase you break the first one” on facebook, when someone announces a second pregnancy

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@Theropologist

Who knew opening this jar marked DANGER: Baby Spiders DO NOT OPEN would turn into such a can of worms

@GabbbarSingh

Until you can’t kill a spider with an e-book, Print media will live.

@sir_shithead_I

Me: *travels back to 1980*
Me: *watches my parents bring me home after birth, tears up*
Me: *watches mom trip and drop me on my head*
Me: That actually explains a lot.

@toastymoe

If breaking a mirror brings 7 years of bad luck, does breaking a lightbulb bring 7 years of bad ideas?

@TheHyyyype

just saw black panther and i finally understand why so many white people are mad: it’s not even a real panther, just a guy in a panther suit

@rad_milk

ME: i’ve never been to europe
SOMEONE WHO’S BEEN TO EUROPE: you should totally go
ME: now that i think of it, it’s only been my lack of desire, alone, that has ever inhibited me to go so ok why not

@meghaffer

It’s National Donut Day and I have failed to eat a single donut. 2020 is truly a catastrophe…

@matt___nelson

*walks into Best Buy*

*points to CDs* “May I have 4 sound bagels please”

@DrakeGatsby

My 2-year old son wears a “Jurassic Park” t-shirt like he’s some big fan but I know for a fact he’s never seen it.

Don’t be a poser bro