@envydatropic: So many people say "if my memory serves me correctly" and I'm actually quite shocked at the amount of servants named Memory.......
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@JohnLyonTweets: Food was bad, cabins were dirty, everyone but me was gruesomely killed. Liked the paddle boats. 1/2 star. -Yelp review of Camp Crystal Lake
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: So, do you have any hobbies? ME: No, not really. SOCK PUPPET: You're not going to tell her about us?
@Pork_Chop_Hair: Get you a man who isn’t really into movies: He’ll never know that sweet love note you wrote him is really just a series of lines from Field of Dreams.
@senderblock23: If you love something, let it go. Unless that thing is a cat. Your cat will not come back.