*thinks my friend Liz’s full first name is Lizard* Lizard. Listen to me. Why are you laughing. Lizard be serious. Lizard please
So many things changing daily.
For example, now DTF stands for Don’t Touch my Face.
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“I’d pap that.” – Gynecolgist
Tom & Jerry had the realest beef of all time….. nvr said a word…. it was jus on sight ..
I’m fat, but not accidentally give birth in the Walmart bathroom because I didn’t know I was pregnant, fat.
“It doesn’t say anywhere that you have to EAT them, you see,” I explain to the Olive Garden waitress as my breadstick kingdom adds a library
always carrying a megaphone in case you have to sigh at someone far away
Pick up a book, any book. Open to the middle, and read the first paragraph.
Welcome to Twitter.
Her : I like you
Me : You’re mistaken
A shoutout to the jackass that stole my ATM card. I hope you enjoy your $3.62.