baby dragon [lifting up a terrified medieval knight]: my dinner is cold
mommy dragon: just blow on it, dear
So nice of the Oscars to give this tribute to Selma then not nominate it for anything
You Might Also Like
“Can you make me look like this?” *shows hairdresser a picture of fire*
I told my niece if I cut her open she would just be made of chicken quesadillas and she said if she cut me open I’d just be dead. Smart kid.
WIFE: Don’t be scared of him. Tell your boss you quit.
ME: Ok, I will.
[later that day]
ME: I quit
ME: I said, nice squid
Me: *stopping* Siri, reroute to kitchen, there’s a traffic jam.
Siri: Step over the dog.
Out of all the places I could choose, a music festival would have to be my favourite place to perspire with 10,000 strangers.
I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
16 and pregnant should be followed by 26 and sucking c**k for crack.
You’re not impressing anyone, server who didn’t write down our orders. You’re just making us anxious.