I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing he’ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
So #Scaramucci lands a job, gets his boss fired, has a baby, gets a divorce, and is fired in the same week? Sounds like a Seinfeld episode.
You Might Also Like
How do mermaids call their friends ?
With their shell phone!
Hey guy that puts the stickers on tomatoes, nobody likes you.
On average, a person has sex 86 times a year. Apparently, this is going to be one hell of a week.
Don’t feel like going to the gym?
Go to all your ex’s facebook pages and see who they’re dating now.
Then go to the gym.
Me: check out this new gadget. It carbonates anything!
Me: yeah even blood
Friend: um I gotta go
Me: lol no you’re staying
Me to boyfriend: You didn’t take the trash out.
Trash to boyfriend: You took me out last night. *lights cig* Didn’t you tell her about us?
[face pressed against the glass case in the butcher shop] This is a bad zoo
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
I have a new favorite conspiracy theory