Oh, the other kind of staff meeting.
“so she’s gay now?”
yeah she turned in all the paperwork last week and her acceptance letter came this morning, it was all pretty sudden
You Might Also Like
Yes, I’m a slob, but I’m a sanitary slob. Underneath all the clutter it’s actually clean.
formal request for my funeral to be half open casket, with only my legs showing
ME: [leaning over toilet] Hold back my hair
ME: [drinks from toilet like dog]
YOU: You’ve made your point I’ll wash up some glasses
Horrifying if literal: armchairs
HADES: what happens when Aphrodites hair gets frizzy?
HADES: i guess u could call her AFROdite
ZEUS: this is why we banished u
“It’s one of those new Hoverboards!”
9: Mom, this is just 2 Roombas taped together.
“Don’t be silly. Now go vacuum…I mean play upstairs”
When I’m texting, I start typing faster when i see you’re typing too. Oh, IT’S ON!! #amazingrace
When I die, instead of being cremated or buried, I’d like my body to be thrown out of a tree onto a group of teens
Hey plastic surgeons, breast implants with squeaker toys in em. Get on that