Me: When does karaoke start?
Me: But I put my
“I ? Karaoke” t-shirt on.
Him: We noticed.
Me: This is the worst funeral ever.
So sorry I hit a nerve. I was actually aiming for a major artery.
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How is it when my son has homework,I have to be involved??
Dude,I already did my time.
Farmer: I love my job
Wife: But all you do all day is round up cows
Farmer: What did you say to me?
Wife: You herd
My kid just asked if I was alive in 1871 so home schooling is going well
tip: glue a tiny mirror onto your drivers license photo so, when you hand it to the cops, they will get confused & arrest themselves instead
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Me: *eating ribs*
Morgue Attendant: *crying fearfully*
Dentist: Do you grind your teeth?
Me: Yes, I have a child.