Who called them Drinking Buddies and not Palcoholics
So the Macarena turns out to be about a girl double-teaming her boyfriend’s friends. Now we know the lyrics were crowd-sourced from Twitter.
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Mike Trout turns 26 today. If he keeps up this pace, he’ll be 30 in four years
Me: today I’m not apologizing for ANYTHING!!!!!!
*almost steps on pigeon*
Me: omg sorry sorry sorry
KIDNAPPER: all of my demands are on the table
POLICE CAT: for now
Me: “Can I buy you a drink?”
Her: “I have a boyfriend.”
Me to barman: “A beer for me and a ‘I have a boyfriend’ for the lady.”
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks … to the alligators…
All I wanted was to complete the circle of life.
*Stubs cigarette out in palm to look tough*
*waits till everyone leaves*
*takes out cell phone*
Please send all your ambulances
Maybe I misheard him…
But I think God just told me to start building a really big goat.
Apparently, if she’s refused to speak to you for two days your text should not be ‘Why are you mad again?’