@AGreaterMonster: So the Macarena turns out to be about a girl double-teaming her boyfriend's friends. Now we know the lyrics were crowd-sourced from Twitter.
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@InternetHippo: ME: Billions of bacteria live on and inside my body INTERVIEWER: I meant tell me about yourself job-wise
@ddsmidt: From now on whenever I order at a restaurant, I’m going to say “whatever is easiest for you.” That way it seems like I’m being really nice and I don’t have to make a decision.
@hippieswordfish: [bus stop] 'help! is there a doctor around?' im a dr 'this guy got shot' how does that make you feel 'what are u doing?' im a psychiatrist