@DanMentos

“So we kill a tree”
Ok
“And put it inside our house”
Nice
“Then we hang up some socks”
I’m with ya
“And then we drink egg milk punch”
What

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@bader_diedrich

My wife just got back from the grocery and apparently shopping for the virus includes two bags full of ice cream

@steeve_again

[planning a heist]

Guy: it’s gonna be an inside job

Me, hates going outside: nice

@mattingebretson

My personal tradition at every wedding I go to is to wish the bride and groom happy birthday

@Gooooats

I accidentally typed my symptoms into IMDB instead of WebMD and it told me I have Gary Busey.

@BlindVigil

What do you call a potato/corn crime fighting duo?

Starchy and Husk

@Smooheed

I miss dating

The excitement of meeting someone new, that feeling of butterflies when you see if you can climb out their bathroom window…

@robdelaney

moisten thyself and wait for me in the westernmost grunting shed