@fro_vo

so weird how every mom was born today

You Might Also Like

@jaslakhmna

ME to BF: “We need to talk about the future.” BF: “what about it,you wanna talk about flying cars and robots and stuff?”

@CoopSoSarc

I was feeling great about myself when I saw my number on the womens bathroom wall ‘for a good time’.

Then I recognized my hand writing.

@JVarsityCaptain

Ladies, wonder if he’s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.

@PColemanchester

Homophobic parents are right to be worried about their children turning gay after lessons about LGBT awareness. I lived as a Tudor wench for 2 years following a history class.

@RodLacroix

My son mowed the lawn so if you need me I’ll be outside re-mowing the lawn.

@Cyd10e

Bad News: One of the side effects of your medication is death.

Good News: Death pretty much cures anything.

@just1fool

I’d like to thank the spider that descended from the bill of my baseball cap for getting me motivated today.

@heyitsJudeD

*3yo’s birthday*

Me: happy birthday, can you blow the candles out?

3yo: ok *blows hard*

Me: great job

3yo: great blow job

Me:

3yo: ?

Me: …. just eat the cake

@AHundredElbows

Border Patrol never did chase down that illegal baby food smuggler from Mexico. I heard he was so fast they nicknamed him Formula Juan.