The “Beware of Cat” sign posted outside my house doesn’t seem to be having the desired affect.
So what do you pack for the end of the world? I’m thinking lots of toilet paper, oh and guns to protect my toilet paper.
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How confused about the world are you right now, on a scale of 0 to “trying to figure out a friend’s shower”
barbie baked bread before becoming bamboozled by bearded beavers
Santa: its snowing Christmas is canceled Put everything in the garbage
Rudolph: what if I told you I had a very small red light
Anyone can be a sword swallower at least one time
As I was tucking in my 8-yr-old, she asked me if it’s possible to “accidentally eat a squirrel”, and now I don’t think I’m getting any sleep tonight
And then God made Saturn.
And he liked it, so he put a ring on it.
Stop blaming politicians and start blaming the fortune tellers. They knew, and they did nothing.
Sir, it appears you have takes-everything-literally disease.
“Is it bad, doc?”
Yes, but bear in mind-
There’s something I should tell you…
“Oh god what is it”
I have crabs
*holds up two crabs*
“Oh I thought you meant-”