So when a cop asks you why you have a handcuff key on your key ring, saying it was his wife’s idea will get you a free ride in his cop car

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[pours a bag of sugar over a tire fire]
[tastes remnants]
i think i’ll call it… Twizzlers


You kids today with your on demand music don’t know the euphoria of hearing your jam come on the radio without the DJ talking over it.


Only in Canada during a winter storm will you see kids playing road hockey.


Why its called ‘having your period’ and not ‘rolling out the red carpet ‘ I’ll never know.


Somewhere on a windy pasture under this moon there’s a barbed wire fence I left more of myself on than I realized.


In “Hit Me Baby (one more time)” when Britney Spears said “my loneliness, it’s killing me”, she was actually predicting the 2020 social distancing period. In this essay I will


Sometimes I toast to world peace, but secretly, I just want restaurants to stop serving frozen butter with bread


Sometimes you need to hug someone out…



Marriage is fun because i asked my husband to please fix the sink and he started talking about how he should add a floor over the living room because it’s wasted space, then watched DIY on house flipping and said he could do that, then took a nap and the sink is still broken.


I bought a CD today.

Now I’m waiting for my carriage to take me home, because I have laundry to do at the river and butter to churn.