@Shock_Monster: So, when I wear my phone clipped to my belt & a fanny pack, I'm a douche.nnBatman does it & it's a bad-ass utility belt. nnnDouble standard.
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@FrogAvalanche: *inside camp-out tent* "Wanna hear-" *puts torch under chin* "-a scary story?" *flicks torch on, it vibrates* "OMG. ITS. NOT. A. TORCH."
@TylerFoFyler: I'm not saying I did terrible things last night, but Satan just woke up on my couch and won't make eye contact.
@simoncholland: Sometimes you just have to throw away a few sheets of perfectly good printer paper so it can hide all the candy wrappers in your trash can.
@nachosarah: when I have dinner with a vegetarian I order two steaks to use as a bun for my third steak