So who WERE Huey, Dewey and Louie’s parents, anyway? And why did they let them spend so much time with their insane, pantsless uncle?

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The worst thing about life is getting comfortable and then realizing that you don’t have the remote.


just read an article that said stray dogs will “elect” the cute dogs in the group to approach ppl cause they come back with more food. u little shits think u can manipulate me well u absolutely can here have my entire lunch


HORSE: *walks up to the bar*

ME [THE BARTENDER] : So, *raises an eyebrow* why the long face ?

HORSE: Oh *removes Nic Cage mask* Sorry


“It was M. Day Shyamalan all along!” – The ultimate twist


Me: I know something we can do tonight đŸ˜‰

My husband: You superglued your eye shut again and I need to drive you to the ER

Me: yeah ;(


I leave notes around the house to remind me of things I need to do, like “Pick up milk” or “Pay gas bill” or “Stop wasting your life away”


You didn’t come here to be insulted? Why? Where do you usually go?


Me: *braids girl’s hair*
Girl: *turns around, terrified*
Me: The movie was boring me…
*leans back in seat*
*eats popcorn*


Wife: Is Mexican food ok for dinner? Don’t just text back k.
Husband: Que