@ixix82: "So You Were Trying to Be Polite But Now He Wants to Wear Your Skin As Pajamas: A Woman's Guide to the Internet"
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@JohnLyonTweets: [meeting] Boss: What do you think? Me: I think we need to get out in front of this. If we're not on top of it, it will roll over us and we'll never get out from under it. Can everybody get behind that? Boss: You're not allowed to talk anymore.
@sublyfe2015: My mom handed me her phone to find me on Twitter... So I deleted her account, uninstalled the app, and told her it went out of business.
@Brianhopecomedy: If I close my eyes while my 3 year old pours her cereal I can hear the relaxing sound of thousands of Cheerios raining on the floor.
@Mom_Overboard: [Texting] Him: Hey babe, what're you wearing? Me: *naked pooping* ummm...nothing Him: That's hot