@cravin4: Soccer moms drinking from sports bottles. You're not fooling anyone, we know you have wine in there and you should share.
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@Tmoney68: BREAKING: DirecTV subscribers lose The Weather Channel over fee dispute. Luckily, subscribers will keep windows, which they can look out of.
@caperbc75: I feel bad for that caveman who invented the wheel because you know his mother-in-law was all "She shoulda married Grog. He invented fire"
@ItsAndyRyan: Daughter: What does gays mean? Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other - two men can love each other the same way Her: So what's 'penetrating gays'? Me: Er... read me the whole sentence Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze" Me: Oh