@Sarcasticsapien: Social media is basically like being in a bad relationship, you love it so much but deep down you know you’d be way better off without it.
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@ibid78: Don't even talk to me unless you're an actual cup of coffee. In which case I'd listen to your story as I slowly sip the life from you.
@carlyken: mom: you’re 42 years old I’m not reading you a bedtime story every night inventor of the audiobook: if you won’t, I’ll find somebody who will, Ma
@Marlebean: They say a long, tight hug releases endorphins to make you feel calm and happy. I think the guy in front of me at this DMV would disagree.