Social networking has become a club. Twitter is the dance floor. Instagram is the bar and Facebook is the people crying in the bathroom.

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Quit doubting my abilities, I can drive with one hand and crash the car with the other…


11 years ago when trying to bag my boyfriend I tried to eat a whopper in front of him in a hot way and I 100% pulled it off. In a way I am more proud of that than my records.


Rose petals are expensive.
Just throw Doritos all over the bed.


“I wish I had more time to read” he said as Netflix automatically played the next episode.


Emotions don’t scare me. People who manage to hide theirs completely, do.


Jesus: remember disciples, everything the light touches is god’s kingdom
Judas: um, isn’t that from the Lion King?
Jesus: *glares at Judas*


Losing your phone is the adult version of having your balloon fly away.


Me: I’m into fitness
Trainer: not again
M: fitness whole pizza in my mouth
T: you should go
M: this isn’t going to “workout”


“It’s ok. This is normal for her.”

– How my friends explain me to others.