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@AtticusFinch79: SOCK COP: i'll ask you one last time, WHERE IS MY PARTNER?
DRYER: rot in hell, pig
@shipwrecksean: I'm looking for something with the health benefits of yoga but absolutely none of the yoga
@SondraDeeMe: *Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
@BigJDubz: 1. Lemon
Things my wife doesn't want in cider
@PleaseBeGneiss: ANT: hey did you find any food to bring back to the queen?
SUPER FAT ANT: the who?
@mommajessiec: Husband: I love everything about you.
Me: Even my toe hair?
H: What toe hair?
Me: *tears up* That’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me.