Kid, texting: MOM I’M HUNGRY!
Mom: *sends food emojis*
Soft on Wall Street. Hard on Sesame Street. Romney 2012.
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Hubs sent me this text:
There’s no wrong way to tell the person you love that their beautiful.
6yo: please please please???
Me: fine. Just give me 5 minutes.
[40 minutes later]
6yo: has it been 5 minutes?
it really hurt my feelings when you called me a stalker to your friend when you guys thought you were alone in the locker room
Eat food with the fridge open in front of the other food to establish dominance as well as prepare for the next feeding.
I gracefully take off my sports bra as my talent. Everyone is in awe. I win the crown for doing what no woman has done before
[first day birdwatching]
is that a penguin? *moments later* is that a penguin?
My doctor says I should lose 10 lbs and work out more. But why? Spanx launched a men’s line.
Them: Ok we need to create good plastic packaging for cakes and cookies
Satan: MAKE IT REALLY LOUD
I want to be more optimistic about aging but my 5 year old just found out I am 30 today and now she’s claiming the jewelry she wants to have when I’m dead.