“You gotta try the lobs-”
– I’ll should tell you…
– We’re not having sex.
– What were you saying?
“The chicken here’s great.”
Some baby on this plane is singing the ABCs all out of order and a guy just shouted “yes girl remix!!”
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*pulls away from kissing*
Does this mean no ticket or several tickets, officer?
Wanna piss a rhinoceros off? Hang his car keys on his nose.
Prince Charles is not at all pleased with the Genie that misheard his “coronation” wish.
I need some sugar. Not the stupid kind that gives you mono, but the good kind that gives you diabetes.
There’s a big difference between seminary school and semenary school.
[using Ouija Board]
“Will i ever find true love–”
“NEW GHOST WHO DIS”
Girl: Cute dog
Me: Thanks he’s my therapy dog
Dog: *taking notes* possessive and codependent
“Donatello choose ur weapon”
“I’ll take a stick”
“Really not a sword? Nunchu..”
“Ha I guess u wanna wear purple too?”