I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I’m driving
Some lady at the gas station told me I was a giant prick, I smiled and said thanks….. I thought I was just average. 🍆😏
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most vending-machine shaking incidents are elaborate coverups by people who don’t want to be seen hugging the machine and saying i love you
Guys love legs. Women, if you can grow more legs that would be a major turn on
future historians will point to this and ask how we didn’t see the third world war coming
Reasons Why us girls cry:
Who the hell knows!!: 90%
A closed mouth keeps it’s teeth.
Grandkids: But, you’re heavy.
Me: What did the sign say?
Grandkids: No children in shopping cart :((
Me: Rules are rules.
Cop: do u have anything illegal in the vehicle
Me: *thinks about all the drugs in the car* no
Cop: why did you just say asterisk thinks abo
I’ll put a comma, after a comma, even if it doesn’t need a comma, to completely, drive you, insane.
Let’s name our sandwich shop after smelly trains.