What kind of adapter do I need for this outlet?
You Might Also Like
turns out im not nearly mature enough to hang out with someone named titi
[road trip]
Me: one more word out of you and I’ll turn this car right around!
Kid: but
Me: that’s it, BACK TO DISNEYLAND
“No,” said the bus driver, not even taking an eye off the road. Feeling my face reddening with anger but not wanting to cause a wreck, I calmy repeated myself, “I need you to give me back my kazoo right now please.”
Social media is proof that even when you fire your gun in the air, someone will pretend one of those bullets hit them.
Two eggs, some bacon, and a piece of toast walk into a bar. The bartender says, hey! We don’t serve breakfast here. #Tellyourworstjoke
People like to say “nice beard” to me but then start backing away while I go through my washing/conditioning/oiling/brushing regimen with increasing volume and fervor
the whole internet loves Stanley Cups, the viral cup that you can drink from! *5 seconds later* we regret to inform you the cup is poison
[On WebMD]
I have a sore throat
[Throat cancer]
I wasn’t done, and a stomach ache.
[Cancer]
Couldn’t it be the flu?
[If it wasn’t cancer]
Just tried to watch a James Bond movie and wow, first thing that happens is he walks into frame and fires his gun at me, the viewer. I have never felt so disrespected in my entire life and expect better from a man wearing a tuxedo. One star.
Just once, I’d like to see a judge take the verdict slip from the jury, look at it, and then turn and say,
ARE YOU SHIT’N ME?
*still laughing at a real estate ad I saw yesterday for a beautiful farmhouse “off the beating path”*
A smart car easily passes my Jeep on a hill. “Hey, that’s not right” yells a jogger, who also easily passes my Jeep on a hill.
It’s kind of an ongoing competition between me and this cactus to see who can drink less water
“Oh, hey! I didn’t even recognize you!” means “I saw you and tried to avoid you, but here you are.”
Worlds greatest photobomb
Look 2020, I just think I should start seeing other years
I enjoy long walks away from the scene of the crime.
Does refusing to workout count as resistance training?
Neo is 57-years-old he’s definitely taking the blue pills.
I’m not antisocial. I’m anti-idiot.
I’ve been reading your Oscar tweets, and America should not vote on things as a general rule going forward.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I’m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
we baptize all our dinosaurs just in case all that catholic shit turns out to be true
A cat has contracted the COVID-19 disease. Don’t ask Meow
To whoever has my voodoo doll, stop making her go to work !
Hi everyone,
Funny Tweeter is undergoing maintenance during which certain features of the site won’t be available. We’re trying to get back to normal as soon as possible. 😊
Me, at a romantic movie: pffft like that would ever happen
Me, at any other genre movie: YES I ABSOLUTELY ACCEPT THIS OUTLANDISH SCENARIO
“I like green peppers, but they don’t like me anymore haha.”
They never liked you. They don’t have feelings because they’re food, Barbara.
Indian parents give you unmoanable names so you can focus on studies