Some people are just better left alone.
In a jacket, in a room with padded walls.
You Might Also Like
WAITER: Can I take your order?
CUSTOMER: I don’t know, can you?
[they embrace, finally reunited]
DAD: But seriously, say ‘May I take your order’, you’re embarrassing yourself
Me: Bless me father for I have sinned…
Priest texting me back: I already told you, I’m not absolving u of your sins unless you come in.
I’m not real good at talking my way out of trouble, since it’s the talking that got me in to trouble in the first place.
I’m starting to regret my “2015 FOREVER” tattoo.
I never chase a man.
I always go for the ones who are too fat to run.
My Voodoo doll would be a glazed ham wrapped in chicken feathers.
Nietzsche: whoever fights monsters should see to it that he does not become a monster. Any questions?
Me: [googling how to fight a dragon] I have a few
GUY MURDERING ME: It’s “purge.” It’s a soft g.
ME: The purg. I feel like I’m saying it.
GUY: No, it’s “purge.” You’re saying it like “iceberg.”
GUY: *Getting increasingly frustrated* Say iceberg.
A better name for the Pope mobile would be a ‘Christler’.