@spacej_me: Some people have sex to make a baby but I prefer the old fashioned way of capturing a wild baby, and that's how I ended up in jail
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@XplodingUnicorn: [Barney the purple dinosaur comes on TV] 3-year-old: I hate this show. Me: What's wrong with it? 3-year-old: He never eats anybody.
@Marcmywords2: Just used the phrase "my good coat hanger", if you're wondering if I have a Swiss Bank Account.
@HansGrubertron: BARBER: *finishes cutting my hair* ME: perfect, thanks BARBER: *holds mirror up to the back of my head* VOLDEMORT: yep, that's great