my dog got a haircut and now it looks like he gave up drinking.
Some people wake up in the morning & are all like “omg I’m the luckiest person in the world” and I wake up all like “oh my god”
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[comes home from store]
Wife: [shaking her head] Let me guess… earmuffs were on sale?
Me: [wearing 17 pairs of earmuffs] WHAT?
David Cameron: “In some parts of Britain there are three generations of families where nobody has ever worked.”
23. RT @Highlights: Parents, at what age do you think it’s okay for a child to get his or her own cell phone?
I have two boyfriends!
Well, I’m dating two men
Okay. Ben and I are just friends
Same with Jerry
Fine. I have ice cream.
But it’s love.
dating a skinny guy is cool and all until you’re cooking and you accidentally boil him with the noodles
Pictures of dogs playing poker are amusing, but before you hang one on your wall just consider the feelings of inadequacy that your own, non-cardsharp pooch may feel when she sees it.
What do we want? CLICKBAIT
When do we want it? The answer will shock you.
Being a fat guy at McDonald’s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business