Fish don’t seem that stupid to me. If a burrito dropped out of the sky and hung in mid air I’d prob eat it.
Some people wouldn’t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
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*feels the music*
Music: “ew. no.”
Hope you enjoy my new song, “Part of This Song’s Title Is in Parentheses (For No Reason).”
Dora the Explorer has taught me just enough Spanish to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they’ve ever had.
When I have a tough decision, I ask myself…
“What would Jesus do?”
Then, I remember how things turned out for him…
And, flip a coin.
Cop: Second time this week
Me: I thought I could be brave
C: Yeah I know, this slide is pretty high for you, now just take my hand
Interviewer: “Why would you make a good customer service representative?”
Me: “I’m good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.”
*Mom makes me take out the garbage*
*Garbage and I begin to date*
*I start taking things too fast*
*Garbage dumps me*
Have you tried growling until they back away slowly?
The cheese grader saw me walk in the house with a bag of shredded cheddar and shit got real awkward.