I’m not saying I’m not physically fit, I’m just saying I went to yoga once and they had to call the paramedics.
Some questions in life you don’t even need to ask. Like when your child tells you they need to go to the store at 8pm to get stuff for a project.
You know 1) they’ve known about it for three weeks and 2) it’s due tomorrow.
You Might Also Like
I go to the bank wearing a Ski mask because I want everyone to know how athletic I am.
Fight fire with water. Idiots.
kicked out of photoshop class for letting out a huge yeehaw every time i select the lasso tool
I’m smart but not “know when to stop eating” smart.
Her: I’m hungry. If you loved me you’d give me breakfast in bed 😉
Me: *hands her my emergency poptart from my pillowcase* only because ily
Kiss me you fool.
Embrace me you dolt.
Cuddle me you simpleton.
Marry me you megalomaniac.
HAVE MY BABY YOU GARBAGE PERSON.
Whatever snack my kid doesn’t finish in her lunchbox, I just leave in there.
By Friday, she’s got a Golden Corral style buffet.
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.