@michaelianblack

Somebody PLEASE come to my house and plug the power cord into my laptop.

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@1Happytwit

My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down.

@InternetHippo

[after watching 1 episode of a show where i paid attention roughly 10% of the time] This show sucks I don’t understand what’s happening at all

@FatherWithTwins

My 6yo wouldn’t eat his chocolate chip muffin bec there were too many chocolate chips in it, and now I…I just…I’m gonna need a min here.

@TheBoydP

Pro tip: No matter how much you hate wrapping, never ask your wife to wrap her own Christmas presents.

@Swishergirl24

My husband picks fights with me like he doesn’t even value half of all his assets.

@RidiculousSheri

The restaurant scene from When Harry Met Sally, but just me getting a pat down from airport security.

@PaulFrei

How many rum & cokes are too many after a couple Vicodin?

Asking for this EMT. He seems pretty interested.