@michaelianblack: Somebody PLEASE come to my house and plug the power cord into my laptop.
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@TheAlexNevil: An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion is stupid because it could be resting.
@InternetHippo: Store Clerk: Happy holidays Me (angrily): Merry…CHRISTMAS Clerk (even angrier): SEASON’S GREETINGS [we just start choking each other]
@FauxFawx: [on a date with a caribou as a favor to my sister] me: so...did you like the movie? caribou: *knocks over candy display & tramples 3 kids*