@taylortomlinson
@XplodingUnicorn
4-year-old: “Frozen” is on TV!
Me: We have it on DVD. And Blu-ray. And digital download.
4: Yeah, but this one is on right now.
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@XplodingUnicorn
@decentbirthday
Facebook marketplace is a different world
@BPMbadassmama
I know exactly how President Obama feels. Every time my kids are forced to listen to me, they make angry Republican faces.
@RyanofAvalon
GF taking me on a surprise V-Day getaway. At least I think. Not sure what the lime and shovel in the trunk with me are for though.
@mrjohndarby
me: I need a really lengthy snake
pet shop guy: how many feet?
me: none
@Vodkantots
“We hug and kiss, but people just don’t lick each other.”
-yet another lie I just told my toddler
@Celestinelea90
Husband called & asked what I was cooking for dinner then we laughed and laughed and then he said seriously what do you need at liquor store
@reallifemommy3
I was so happy when I got my first washer dryer, now, 3 kids and a puppy later, nothing short of my own laundromat would excite me
@amishschool
Wife said I should talk to the kids about drugs so I told them how faking a back injury would usually get you some Vicodin.
@amydillon
My personal style is best described as “didn’t expect to get out of the car.”