@McGrumpenstein: "Thanks for the homemade wine. If going blind had a flavour, this would be it." * why I'm not allowed to write thank you cards anymore.

@calluptome: Everyone complains about the weather but noone's sacrificing a virgin to change it either.

@shanethevein: I'm sorry I punched you when you said "Facebook me". I thought you said "Face punch me".

@TheJamieLee: Whenever someone says they hate cats and they're all shitty and snobby about it, I'm like, "Weird cuz you behave JUST like one."

@_Ms_Moneypenny_: This salad isn't going to toss itself. *winks* - Things you shouldn't say as you pass food around the Thanksgiving table :(