@MenHumor: Dear Edward, maybe the reason you can't read Bella's mind is because there's nothing in her head. Sincerely, Logic.

@RudeFunPillow: do u know the muffin man the muffin man the muffin man do u know the muffin man that lives on d-d-d-d-d-d DROP THE BASS *club goes nuts*

@WilliamAder: There should be a "Life of Pi" TV show, where they throw a different D-list celebrity in a boat with a tiger every week.

@sliver_of: Why do we call it losing weight instead of lightening up?

@GrumpyBahr: People who eat hotdogs from a gas station, you know there's faster ways to commit suicide?