@taylortomlinson: Somebody texted me "What are you doing?" and I just wrote back, "My best."
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@McGrumpenstein: "Thanks for the homemade wine. If going blind had a flavour, this would be it." * why I'm not allowed to write thank you cards anymore.
@calluptome: Everyone complains about the weather but noone's sacrificing a virgin to change it either.
@shanethevein: I'm sorry I punched you when you said "Facebook me". I thought you said "Face punch me".
@TheJamieLee: Whenever someone says they hate cats and they're all shitty and snobby about it, I'm like, "Weird cuz you behave JUST like one."