@juneohara65

Someone just told me to dim the lights and called it a beauty tip.

You Might Also Like

@offbeatoliv

Robert Downey Jr. will always be my hero, not because of Iron Man, but because he broke into someone’s home just to take a nap.

@_TayTayJustine

Every time you reply to a text from your ex, Taylor Swift completes another album.

Don’t be an enabler. Drop the phone.

@secondofhername

Me: *pouts at front facing camera*
Front facing camera: I have a girlfriend.

@Lerky

Seriously, soup?

If I wanted to drink my lunch I would go to a bar.

@DaddyJew

Executioner: any last words?

Me: pineapple belongs on pizza. Hit the switch

@PaperWash

I get it grandma. I’m not sure what to do on Facebook either.

@SondraDeeMe

I’m at an age where I don’t spring into action.
I dead of winter into action.

@Brianhopecomedy

A guy that was falsely imprisoned for 10 years got free tickets to the Super Bowl. That guy is SO lucky.