Someone once told me I can’t say I hate camping if I’ve never been camping but I’ve never been stabbed in the eye and I can say with 100% certainty I would hate it so how’s this any different

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I’ve never used the word culvert in a sentence. Well, until now.


My 3yr old pooped her big girl panties at church today and I forgot the wipes, in case you were feeling bad about being single today.


Saying “let me show you how it’s done”

– arrogant
– condescending
– vibe killer

Saying “this is how we do it”

– it’s Friday night and I feel alright
– the party’s here on the west side
– so I reach for my 40 and I turn it up
– designated driver take the keys to my truck


Unfollowing because you didnt get a follow back is like quitting drinking tea because the tea doesn’t drink you back. It doesn’t make sense.


[human resources]

Her: What did you mean when you said, “rub it for good luck”?

Rabbit (nervously): …I was talking about my foot


I really want another child, but the idea of starting over with another pregnancy/infant feels like Katniss heading back into the arena.