@Stremlau5: Someone stole my debit card, went and spent $60 at a restaurant and only left a $4 tip. It’s not even your card, and you leave a $4 tip. Unreal
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@nPhelendriqal: "I'll have what she's having." " Sir, this is a gynecolo-" "Shhhh.. *puts finger over Dr's lips* I said I'll have what she's having."
@drinksmcgee: If you're going to lie about where you're from, at least try to make it sound like a real place and not something fake like "New Zealand"
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Boyfriend calls me Gluteal Myalgia because he thinks I'm too dumb to understand what it means. Let's see how he likes the name Microphallus
@NOT_UmaThurman: [Jesus on a blind date] Christians: "Hmm, you seemed whiter in your profile picture"