Someone stole my mood ring and I don’t know how I feel about that.

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This guy poured his box of raisinets directly into his bag of popcorn at the movie counter. After my initial shock I bowed to him.


“Mom, you need to calm down with how much cheese you’ve been buying.”

*silently writes him out of my will*


Pretty sure my last words will be something along the lines of, “just cut the moldy part off; I’m not wasting good cheese!”


Hey Fun Fact:

Remember that “You Wouldn’t Steal A Car” anti-piracy ad? The guy who wrote the music for that ad was never paid for their work

This Fun Fact™ brought to you by:

Stealing — It’s Okay If You’re A Corporation!


A haunted house, but instead of masked creatures it’s filled with everyone’s mother-in-laws.


BBC crime shows on Netflix:
– Inspector Grimpenchester
– The Hangman’s Ax
– Get Me Bumblry!
– Miss Lettie Pennyfeather’s Detective Concern


Oh yeah I was in a gang in high school! Well not like a real gang, it was more of a Trigonometry Club. But we still flashed sines.


*maintains eye contact with coworker while licking a yogurt lid for seventeen minutes*