baby cows are called calves bc it’s half a cow. half cow. calf. no more questions
Someone tried to abduct me today by sloppily painting “taco truck” on the side of a windowless van.
There were no tacos in there. Please send help.
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Commercial for elbows:
A frustrated man steers his car with totally straight arms. “Why did I go with the cheap arms?!”
The Seven Deadly Sins:
6. Calling Lego ‘Legos’
[wife enters as I’m doing the worm] Wife: WTH are you doing? Me: It’s not what it looks like. Worm: Who the hell is she?!
god: the sun shall fuel all life on earth
sun: sounds good
god: and the moon shall make tiny waves and werewolves
moon: hell yes
Waiter: black pepper?
Waiter: say when
Me: [remembering I have large investments in numerous peppercorn plantations] haha sure
Maybe he went out for the knight?
I’ll give you 10 seconds to take back what you said about my wind chimes.
According to the stores .I should be in a Halloween costume, sitting under a Christmas tree eating turkey . I’m so confused.
“Hey spirits, talk to us”
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